Saturday, October 29th is the last leg of Dr. Fonke’s Spartan Trifecta which includes completing three Spartan Obstacle Course Races in one calendar year: A Spartan Sprint (3-5 miles), a Spartan Super (8-10 miles), and a Spartan Beast (10-13 miles) all with many obstacles between those miles. Read on below as he shares his thoughts leading up to this last and monumental challenge!
“The Spartan Super and the Spartan Sprint are now history. The medals are on display in my reception area at the office. The Beast awaits us October 29th, Winnsboro, SC with approximately 13 miles and 30+ obstacles. So, what have I changed in my training regimen? What worked for the Super and the Sprint? Leading up to the Super (which I ran in August) I was strength training five days/week and running five days/week. In retrospect, I did not allow enough recovery for my body. I forced my body to train and move while I was tired. My thought was to train before I was fully recovered resulting in more endurance for a long Spartan course. I achieved that goal. During the Super, I was pushing myself within the first mile. The elevations and hill climbs were exhausting. I had not trained over hills. However, by training while fatigued I was able to push through the fatigue during the Super. With the knowledge gained by experience, I would allow more recovery between training sessions. I would train longer during sessions and include hill climbs or the stair climber as an alternative. I would take in more calories in the week prior to the event. I would eat breakfast the day of the event. I did not eat breakfast the day of, which resulted in stomach cramps late in the day. The energy foods we carried with us did not offset the stomach cramps.
I also am hydrating more before and during the race for the Beast!
Recovery from the Super took me three weeks! It took a week just to get over feeling tired all day. I was back in the gym after the first week, but my strength and endurance were reduced. I cut back on the frequency of the workouts by combining two body parts per workout and cardio on alternate days. I would exercise legs and back, shoulders and chest, then arms. Each day I would do some abdominal work and towel pull-ups. That was a 5-6 day routine. This training was perfect for the Sprint (which I ran in September). I felt stronger and had more endurance for that race. The Super was slightly over 9 miles and took me 8 hours, 51 minutes to complete. I rested at intervals during the event (2-3 minutes) and occasionally 10+ minutes. The rest intervals were necessary for recovery to continue. The Sprint was approximately 4 miles. I reached the rope climb in about 2.5 hours and then waited 1.5 hours for the OEW team to arrive. I wanted to finish with the team. The Sprint did not require rest intervals during the event. However, my body still required 10 days of recovery before returning to the gym. The one concession to age that I am willing to make is my need for more recovery time. I require more time to heal and more time for muscle recovery.
When I started combining two body parts three times per week I anticipated losing strength. I found the opposite to be true. I am making strength gains and feeling more energetic. I am less fatigued during the day.
So–the Beast is in days as of now. This was my evolving training protocol from September through the second to the last week of October: Strength train 3 days/week, 2 body parts/day, 3-4 exercises per body part, 2-4 sets each per exercise, 8-12 reps per set. Cardio 3 days/week, recumbent bike and stair climber. I have increased my daily caloric intake. I was eating one full meal/day usually in the evening. Snacks would include coconut oil in coffee or tea and graham crackers with coconut oil. I have now added an egg white protein drink, fruit during the day, food bars, and I am continuing with coconut oil. The additional calories have increased my energy level. I haven’t been able to run since the Super. The hip and leg pain I’ve dealt with are always worse in the early morning, and that’s when I have time to run. I have been receiving acupuncture for the hip and leg pain. Progress has been slow but steady. The acupuncture combined with chiropractic and physical therapy has been the turning point in the recovery. I noticed that I have lost some size in the left calf and quadriceps because of favoring the leg while walking. The pain causes a limp and I have been unable to push off with my toes during a stride. I have stopped barbell squats and have added leg machines. The leg press has been particularly effective in isolating the upper hip and gluteal area. Adding leg extensions, leg curls, and calf exercises have brought balance back to my legs.
All of my family who took on the Spartan Sprint. Memories and bonding that we will never forget!
All in all, I’m excited and ready to take this challenge on. I’ve enjoyed sharing this journey with all of you and eagerly anticipate sharing after our team completes this BEAST and I have a Trifecta to my name!”
All the best,
Dr. David Fonke, D.C.
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After a loss like the one our family just experienced, I decided I needed to write down as much of her story as I could. This is partly because I can hear the words in her voice and that brings me comfort, and it’s also because I want to document these stories for my children and grandchildren, and nieces and nephews. I present this here as well to share what I consider a life well-lived looks like. This, she would’ve been proud to hear. Because my mom had a penchant and drive for positivity. I hope to honor her memory by sharing a little more about her with all of you.
Mom passed on April 22, 2016. She lived 90 years, 3 months, 17 days on this earth. Now she lives forever. One bright spot is that Mom has reunited with Dad. Dad passed November 16, 2011. He lived 90 years, 2 months, 3 days. They were apart 4 years, 4 months, 6 days, which is in contrast to the 63 years, 11 months, 16 days that they were married when Dad passed. They had one of those bonds that just seemed mythical from the outside looking in.
Dad and Mom got so much joy from their children and grandchildren. Here they are pictured with my grandson Aaron, their second great-grandchild.
Mom was born Margaret Belle Laubner on January 5, 1926. She was the youngest child of George and Belle Laubner. Born in Elko, Nevada, the family moved to Breese, Illinois before Mom was a year old. Grandpa Laubner was a hardworking man who struggled to lift his family out of poverty, and times were tough in the late 1920s. The Great Depression was setting in. Mom would tell us of the small 3-room house: 2 rooms downstairs, and a bedroom upstairs. The house was beside a railroad track, and the bedroom was divided by a curtain. Mom and her sister Fay had one side of the curtain and their mom and dad had the other side. Their brother, Junior, slept on the couch downstairs. The kitchen had a wood/coal stove for cooking, and Grandpa always kept a crock of beer that he made next to the stove. This was during prohibition and the beer made a little extra money for the family. No big surprise, but Mom always disliked the smell of beer. And she never drank beer as an adult. She said she had been around enough beer to last her a lifetime. This house had an outhouse that was in the side yard. Mom always made sure to use it before dark. Bath time was once a week, and this consisted of a tub that was filled with water heated on the stove. Each family member took a turn. Now, the tub was only filled once, so being the youngest wasn’t in her favor for this weekly chore. Coal trains traveled the track beside their home. Mom would talk of walking the track to pick up coal that had fallen from the coal cars. Grandpa had a pickup truck at one point that he painted silver with a brush. Mom said they called it “The Silver Streak.” Grandpa put a seat in the bed of the truck, and that is where the kids sat. Mom didn’t particularly like riding in the truck.
Grandmother was an excellent seamstress, and people would pay her to make clothes. She had a sewing machine, but Mom remembered sewing button holes to help. Mom remembered Grandmother taking apart a wool coat and cutting each piece to make a coat for Mom. Grandpa raised rabbits, and he tanned a rabbit hide to make a fur collar for the coat. Mom loved that coat and spoke fondly of it for the rest of her life. I think it embodied to her how much her parents loved her, because of the joint effort that went into making that little coat her her. Mom enjoyed school and made friends quickly. She and Fay played the French Horn in the school band. Mom said she never got to play the melody. She played the rhythm, which consisted of a of “bump, bump, bump.”. Fay however, played the melody. In high school one year, Mom was elected “May Queen”, similar to Homecoming or Prom Queen by her fellow students. Though I’m sure she was quiet, Mom was obviously popular in school and valued attending, but at the time many students went to high school for 3 years.
As I recall Mom and Dad talking about high school, the local high school only went through the 3rd year. Dad finished his 4th year in Aviston, a town close to Breese. Mom had a goal to finish that 4th year of high school. In 1971 she completed her GED and graduated from high school after raising eight children. We were all proud of her accomplishment. Mom went to work with Dr. Emerson, the only dentist in Breese. Dr. Emerson and his wife developed a great affection for Mom. They had one son, and Mom became their daughter by friendship. Mrs. Emerson would have occasional social events, and she would ask Mom to help her with the preparation and then the serving during the party. Mom would always spend the night and she always smiled as she told that Mrs. Emerson would lay out a pretty night gown on the bed for her. Mom would also have the opportunity to take a nice bath in a bathtub, which was an appreciated perk as well. These were some of Mom’s favorite memories of that time in her life. Mom still lived with her family when she began working and contributed to the family expenses from her income. Once, Grandmother wanted to buy a watch for Junior. It may have been for his graduation. Mom made $8.00 a month as a dental assistant. Mom gave Grandmother $2.00 a month toward the watch and $1.00 for household expenses, kept $1.00 for herself and put $4.00 in savings.
Dr. Emerson recognized Mom’s desire to learn, so over time he taught her to be his Dental Assistant. Mom learned quickly through observation and personal instruction. One day Dr. Emerson was out of town attending a conference. Mom was working in the office catching up on paperwork, filing etc. and patient came to the door holding his jaw. He had a terrible toothache and begged Mom to pull his tooth. At first, Mom said she couldn’t do that. She was not a dentist. The patient knew she wasn’t the dentist, and he didn’t care–just pull the tooth! Finally, Mom agreed. She placed him in the dental chair and went to work, just as she remembered watching Dr. Emerson. A short time later the tooth was out and the patient was very grateful. When Dr. Emerson returned and heard the story he was extremely proud of Mom. He called her “Old Blood and Guts”. Mom was proud of her new nickname. In later years when she told the story it was always with great affection for Dr. Emerson. Mom’s friendship with Dr. and Mrs. Emerson remained close for years after Mom and Dad married. I remember visiting them in Breese after Joan and Janet were born. That was about 1956/57.
During Mom’s time with Dr. Emerson Dad entered her life. Dad had returned from WWII after being held as a POW for 9 months. Dad caught Mom’s eye, and she asked her good friend, Hilda Hussman, if he had a girlfriend. Hilda was dating Dad’s brother, Wally (they were later married). Wally and Mom were in the same grade during school, so they knew each other well. The word came back: no girlfriend. Dad was a patient of Dr. Emerson’s, and Mom would tell us how every time Dad came to the office she would find a reason to walk through the waiting room multiple times and make eye contact with him. Hilda and Wally arranged their first date: Bingo at a local social hall. When Wally asked Dad if he wanted to go out with him and Hilda to play Bingo, Dad said “Bingo!?!” as if that was the last thing he wanted to do. When Wally said Belle Laubner would be there, Dad changed his tune and immediately agreed. It seems as if he had noticed her, too. Mom had to work that evening so they saved her a seat with them. Dad won a pair of silk stockings (which were rationed at the time) that he promptly gave to Mom. When he drove her home that night, they talked in front of Mom’s house until 2am. Mom and Dad loved recalling their first date. They soon knew they were meant for each other and made wedding plans. Grandpa Laubner was in poor health when Dad and Mom told him of their plans. When Mom asked Grandpa to give her away, his response was, “I’ll walk you down the aisle, but I’ll never give you away.” Even in Mom’s later years, whenever she told that story her expression changed and her eyes would shine with love. Grandpa Laubner passed before the wedding date of November 27, 1947. Grandmother wanted Mom and Dad to wait another year to marry because of the loss of her husband and her feelings of grief. Grandpa Fonke spoke with her and said, “While always honoring those who have passed, the living must be allowed to move forward with their lives.” That occurred August 1947. The wedding went as planned, but Grandmother and Fay wore black to the wedding.
Mom and Dad loved recalling their wedding day. They were married in St Dominic’s Catholic Church at 9am. After the wedding mass and pictures, Mom and Dad visited older relatives that were unable to attend. The reception was in the afternoon with plenty of dance music, food, and beverages. They stayed with Grandpa and Grandma Fonke that night. Their bedroom was occupied by Uncle Eddie who was married to Dad’s sister, Marie. They weren’t able to wake Eddie so they went to the upstairs bedroom. It was a large room divided in two by a wall and doorway without a door. Dad’s brothers were in the first bedroom, Dad and Mom in the second. Fortunately his brothers drank enough to put them soundly asleep. The next morning Mom came down stairs before Dad. As the door opened into the kitchen there sat Dad’s sisters and Grandpa and Grandma Fonke. Marie and Henrietta said they wanted to see Mom cook breakfast for Dad. (All of this with a big smile.) Grandma told them to be nice, and she helped Mom cook breakfast. Mom smiled when she told the story. It was all good-natured fun. They all loved Mom very much and were happy to have her join their “Vinny” in life. After the wedding they began their honeymoon trip through the southern states with a stop in Selma, Alabama to visit some of Dad’s friends. Dad had been stationed at Craig Field, Alabama, his first assignment as an Aircraft Mechanic. There he met Judge Walter B. Jones, a retired judge. Judge Jones was probably in his 60’s or early 70’s at the time. He had a large estate in Selma, named “Jonesboro”. Judge Jones would invite soldiers from Craig Field to his estate for barbeques. It was during one of these gatherings that Dad made his acquaintance and they became good friends. Judge Jones’ father, Thomas Good Jones was the Confederate Officer that carried the flag of truce for General Robert E. Lee at Appomattox. On they traveled to San Antonio, Texas. Ralph, Dad’s youngest brother was going through Air Force basic training. Lackland AFB, then back to Breese, Illinois. Mom and Dad moved into an upstairs apartment over the restaurant, that Dad, Wally and Grandpa Fonke co-owned.
Living above Fonke’s Highway Cafe had it’s advantages and disadvantages. Food was readily available prepared by Lizzie, the cook, and everything was delicious. There was a dumbwaiter they used to bring food upstairs without having to navigate the steep staircase carrying food, drinks, or dishes. Just place them in the dumbwaiter raise the items to the second floor or lower the dishes to the kitchen. Mom and Dad later gave me a game table that came from the restaurant. It seats 4 people and has a shelf under the table and at the top of each leg to place your drink. I was born while we lived over the restaurant. When Mom told Dad it was time to go to the hospital he ran downstairs to start the car. On his way back upstairs he tripped and crawled on hands and feet to the top. Once there he called for Mom, “Where are you?!? What are you doing?” He thought Mom would be in a hurry to go. Not so, Mom called back, “I’m brushing my teeth…I’ll be right there.” Everything went well and I was born November 12, 1948, 15 days before their first anniversary. Mom told us Dad thought something might be wrong because it took 3 months to become pregnant. (!). Don was born the following November 26, 1949. After a couple of years in the restaurant business Dad decided to sell life insurance instead. He sold his share in the restaurant to his brother Clarence. Later, Dad and Mom built their first home in 1950. My brother Dan was born on June 6, 1951.
Much to my parents’ shock, I contracted polio in the summer of 1950. I was immediately isolated in a hospital close to Breese dedicated to polio victims. After the initial diagnosis and treatment, I was taken to a rehabilitation facility and received intensive physical therapy for approximately 3 months. I did not have contact with my family during this entire time. Mom and Dad would tell me later how they would come to visit, but they were not allowed to talk to me or have any physical contact. The hospital policy prevented contact in order to reduce anxiety and emotional upset for their young patients. Mom and Dad said they would view me through a window as I went through my physical therapy exercises. This was a very frightening time for them, not knowing if I would recover my ability to walk and use of my hands. Thank God that after many months of therapy I fully recovered.
Soon after, one of Dad’s military friends asked Dad why he wasn’t flying AT-6s out of Scott Field, a nearby Air Force Base. Dad kept his reserve commission and was eligible to fly these single engine trainers. Soon Dad was back in the cockpit and enjoying the freedom of the sky again. It was about this time that the Korean War was building. The Squadron Commander of the reserve unit at Scott Field called a meeting and told all the reserve pilots that if they wanted to continue to fly they would be eligible for recall to active duty. Dad told the Commander to put his name at the top of the list. Dad was ready to resume his military career. This was a career/life decision that had not been discussed with Mom. When the letter came directing Dad to report for active duty is the day Mom discovered that she would be moving. Mom would recall later that she thought they would live in their new home for the rest of their lives. She never envisioned moving from Breese. I remember her saying that she would cry as she packed for the move. Mom soon realized that their life in the Air Force would provide many opportunities to develop her strengths. Our first assignment was Fairchild AFB, Spokane, Washington.
Thanksgiving in 1955. Dave, Don, Danny and Mom.
That was 2000 miles from Breese. Jerry was born October 6, 1954. Joan and Janet were born June 4, 1956. Mom did not know she was pregnant with twins, as this was before the days of ultrasound technology. Dad was TDY to Guam for 90 days when Mom delivered the twins. Joan was born first and the doctor remarked that Mom’s abdomen looked unusual. Mom promptly told him there was another baby. After examining Mom he was coming with an injection to help reduce pain. Mom said no need for that and began to push. Janet was born minutes later. Now there are six of us. While stationed at Fairchild, Mom was introduced to The Power of Positive Thinking, by Norman Vincent Peale. Every time Dad left on a TDY Mom would check the book out of the library. Finally she bought her own copy. That book reinforced her inherent positive nature. And because of that, there was always joy in our home. Mom maintained her positive outlook on life, and we learned how to live and grow in a home filled with love. Even in Mom’s later years she never complained. Mom lived her life with ready grace and consideration for others.
Mom with all the kids at this point: Dave, Don, Danny, Jerry, Joan and Janet.
In 1957 our new assignment was Pepperel AFB, St. Johns, Newfoundland. Dad traveled to Pepperel ahead of us. We followed a few weeks later and traveled by train to St. Louis which is 40 miles from Breese. We stayed in Breese for six weeks and then boarded another train for Westover AFB, Massachusetts. Dad met us there. We boarded a military aircraft to take us to Newfoundland. We lived in the city of St. Johns. I finished the second grade that first year after we arrived and a year later Dad was reassigned to Harmon AFB, Stephenville, Newfoundland located on the opposite side of the island. There Dad flew his favorite aircraft, the C-54: a military version of the DC-6. Dad flew into all the Northern tier bases in Greenland and as far north as Alert. These were resupply missions bringing in everything needed to operate an outpost in the frozen north country. Dad would say that this was the most enjoyable flying he experienced while in the Air Force. We left Newfoundland in 1960 assigned to Chanute AFB, Illinois. Dad attended a year long school there and that left us about 300 miles from Breese. We made that trip many times during the year we were there.
The next assignment was Pope AFB, Fayetteville, NC. We arrived May of 1961. We moved into a new house in Evergreen Estates. This was their first home that they had owned since leaving Breese. In 1963 Donna was born, and the following year Steve was born. Our family was complete. During the 1960s Vietnam was building and requiring more of our soldiers and supplies.
Dressed up and ready to go to one of their many military formals.
Dad went to Vietnam for 3 tours of duty. His last tour was 13 months: 1966-1967. That was my senior year in high school. I remember one time I slipped out of our home to visit some friends within walking distance. It was after midnight, and my brother Don was babysitting at a house across the street from ours. I walked over and told him what I was doing. Mom told me later she saw me walk across the street to talk with Don and then watched me walk away from the neighborhood. About 3 hours later I was walking back home and was about 1/2 mile away. It was quiet, and I heard our car start. It was our 1960 Ford Falcon and it had a very distinctive sound when being started. I immediately knew Mom was coming my way. I tossed the six pack of beer to the side and continued walking on the street toward home. Soon Mom was stopping the car in front of me and told me to “Get in this car”. When we got home Mom sat me down on the couch and proceeded to give me the tongue lashing I deserved. I told her I was sorry and would never do this again. I don’t know if she told Dad when he returned. I never heard any more about it. Maybe it was our secret.
Mom with DonnaThe whole family including Grandpa Fonke. The cowboy to the right is Steve.
One of the few times I saw Mom cry was the day Mom and Dad took Don and me to Western Carolina University. It was Don’s freshman year and my sophomore year. We were living in a small apartment close to campus. Mom and Dad were preparing to leave for the drive back to Fayetteville. Mom looked up at Dad with tears in her eyes as he gently said the following words to her: “Yes, Mom, this is the start of a new chapter in our lives. The boys are leaving home.” I didn’t understand her sadness then, but I do now. That was 1968. The next 13 years were filled with the activities of life in a large family.
College years! Mom with her oldest (me) and her youngest (Steve).
Don married his wife Linda in 1970. He graduated from college and joined the Air Force. He was commissioned in 1973 and began Navigator training in California. I enlisted in the Air Force in 1971. After basic training, I was assigned to Whiteman AFB, Missouri. I completed my enlistment in 1975, went back to college, and graduated in 1977. Don intended to make the Air Force his career. His first assignment after Navigator school was K. I . Sawyer AFB, Michigan. He was a Navigator on a KC-135 tanker, the military version of the Boeing 707. Their first child, Christopher was born on October 5, 1974. Their next assignment was Kadena, AB, Okinowa. They were there for 3 years. Their return to the United States took them to Wright Patterson AFB, Dayton, Ohio. Don was now assigned to the EC-135, called ARIA. ARIA stood for Advanced Range Instrumentation Aircraft. This aircraft provided communication link for the Space Shuttle and Houston. It was a very sophisticated aircraft and they were only located at Wright Patterson. They arrived at Wright Patterson in the Fall of 1980. March 27, 1981, their daughter Allison was born. They bought a house and settled in enjoying their new assignment. The Air Force initiated a program where active duty personnel could be accompanied by their spouse during an average work day. Since Don was a Navigator, Linda accompanied him, May 6, 1981 on a routine training flight. Additional spouses were also passengers on this particular flight. Something went terribly wrong on that flight and the EC-135 crashed over Walkersville, Maryland with no survivors.
Mom with her first of many grandchildren: Don and Linda’s son, Christopher.
That day in Fayetteville began as any normal day began for our family. I was part owner of a Nautilus Fitness Center. I remember trying to install a new radio in our 1979 Ford Van. I received a phone call that Mom wasn’t feeling good, so I drove over to Mom and Dad’s to check on her. There I discovered Mom had a severe headache that came on about 10:00 am. It was now about 12:30. A news alert was being broadcast on the television about a plane crash in Maryland around 10am… As information came available we learned the plane was an EC-135 based at Wright Patterson, AFB. This was a horror developing before our eyes.
We remained fixed upon the news coming from the television. It was determined there were no survivors. By early afternoon calls came from Pope AFB officials that Don was the navigator on the doomed aircraft. I spoke with Linda’s mother who was convinced that Linda was also on the aircraft. At this point no one had advised us that Linda was a passenger. I remember telling Evelyn that there was no way Linda could be a passenger. I had no knowledge of the recent policy allowing spouses to accompany. Evelyn was convinced, and I could not dissuade or comfort her. Denise, Linda’s younger sister, lived with Don and Linda. She knew Linda went on the flight. She called her Mom with the information. We still had no official word concerning Linda. Air Force officers visited our home later that day and brought the official notification of Don and Linda’s death. Dad, Mom and I left that evening for Dayton, Ohio.
It was a long 10 hour drive, and I remember very little about the trip to Dayton. Linda’s parents, Julian and Evelyn arrived before us. Our two families were united in grief. We remained in Don and Linda’s home for 3 or 4 days trying to bring order to the chaos. Plans were made to return to Fayetteville and make preparations for Chris (age six) and his six week old sister, Allison’s move to their new home. Don and Linda had named me the executor of their will and guardian of their children. Don and I had discussed this provision of their will.
After some time, the two children moved with us to Fayetteville. Mom and Dad took delight in helping to raise Chris and Allison. Betsy and I formally and legally adopted Chris and Allison. Erich was born in 1983 and Emily in 1987. Chris and Allison had a brother and sister. Mom and Dad were the rock we anchored to during this time of change.
Life in our families, immediate and extended found the balance that comes with love and time. Marriages and divorces, births and deaths, were experienced over the next 30 years. Mom and Dad’s love remained our constant. Saturday, November 12, 2011 our family changed forever. It was my birthday. We were preparing a pig picking to be held at Allison’s farm in Sanford. I was driving back to Fayetteville at about 8:00 that morning from helping cook the pig when I received a call from Jerry. Dad wasn’t feeling well and Mom had called Joan and Jerry to come over. Joan lived next door and Jerry lived about 5 minutes away. Mom, Joan and Jerry were in the bedroom when Dad lapsed into unconsciousness. He stopped breathing and Joan began CPR. Jerry called 911 and me. I arrived, and EMS was there attempting to revive Dad. They were able to reestablish breathing and then transported Dad to the ER. Mom was calm. I remember her saying to us, “This doesn’t look good.” We prayed together and followed behind the ambulance to the hospital. Dad was moved to the critical care unit later that day and attached to a respirator. A family member was always in his room. Mom was seated at the side of his bed holding his hand continuously. Mom would go home to sleep and refresh herself and then back to Dad’s bedside. An MRI was performed on Monday and they learned that a pulmonary embolism had deprived Dad’s brain of oxygen and that there would be no recovery. We now knew it would be necessary to removed the respirator and allow Dad to pass. We agreed to do that on Wednesday to allow as many family members as possible to see Dad before he passed. The hospital staff had us leave the room while they removed the respirator and brought fresh linens. We gathered in the room said our last goodbyes. We saw Dad take his last breath. I moved in to Mom and Dad’s house that night. I had divorced and was renting a room from my sister, Janet. We had determined among my siblings that Mom would not be alone in her home. I was the best choice to live with Mom.
Over the next 4+ years we all took care of Mom. It was our goal to keep Mom out of a nursing home and in her own home until it was time for her to join Dad. Joan, Janet, Jerry and I took on the primary caregiver roles. Mom cooked as long as she could do so safely. When the time came Joan and Janet prepared her evening meal and ate with her. Eventually we hired a caregiver for the day time hours. Andi would come by 9 am and leave when Joan got home about 4 pm. Donna and I married October 30, 2014, and she moved into Mom’s house with me. Mom had developed COPD that gradually worsened. She used a nebulizer and had a rescue inhaler to use if she woke up at night short of breath. Her doctor put her on oxygen 6 months before she passed. When the weather permitted, Mom enjoyed sitting on the front porch. She would wave to the neighbors as they passed by. Many times they would stop and visit. We had to make a rule that Mom could only sit on the front porch if she had changed out of her pajamas. These guidelines were of course, meant to keep her safe. Mom kept her independent spirit and sometimes would bend the guidelines just because she could. Mom’s physical strength was surprising even as she aged. Every night I would follow Mom up the steps to her bedroom. She would be trailing the oxygen tube as she climbed those 12 steps. We had talked about a lift for the steps, but she did not want to do that. Mom always said it was good exercise to climb the steps. We talked about moving her bed downstairs, but it was more important to her to continue to sleep in the same bedroom she and Dad shared. Mom always seemed to find extra energy for a birthday party or a social event, and there are many of them in a family of our size. She would be tired the day after but never during the event.
Mom’s 90th birthday was a huge event. We invited friends and neighbors and held it in the back yard. Mom was the center of attention and enjoyed every minute of her day. A couple of months before Mom’s passing we rediscovered some CDs of Dad singing and playing his guitar. Mom listened to those CDs repeatedly throughout the day. She said she liked to pretend he was just in the other room singing when she heard them.
A memorable milestone: Mom’s 9th birthday
On April 14th I flew to Denver to visit with my son Erich and attend a seminar there. When I left, Mom had developed a cough. I was not alarmed. Mom had overcome an upper respiratory infection numerous times over the preceding 4 years. I returned on the 18th and was surprised by what I thought was fatigue. I had work to do so I went to my office. When Joan got home about 4:00 she found Mom to be unresponsive to conversation. Joan called me and I said to call EMS. I left work after our conversation and called Joan on the way home. Mom was the same. I got home shortly before EMS arrived. They determined Mom had pneumonia and a UTI.
She was admitted to the hospital for the first time since 1964. Tuesday came and Mom looked, sounded, and responded like herself. The medications and respiratory therapy seemed to be working very well. Even her appetite was excellent. The doctor thought she would go home Friday. Wednesday was a good day. Mom was alert and conversational. Things were looking good for Friday. Wednesday night about midnight Mom had a setback. She stopped breathing and lost consciousness. When I got to Mom’s room they were helping her breathe by squeezing a bag to force air into her lungs. We asked them to stop. We had decided that If Mom could not breathe on her own we would not have her placed on a respirator. When they stopped bagging Mom, she was able to breathe on her own. We knew at this point that it was only a matter of time.
Mom passed Friday afternoon about 1:30 pm. I left her room about 1:15. Before I left I leaned close to her right ear and said, “If you need anything, call me”. This was something she said to me every night when I tucked her into bed. Although she knew she was the one being taken care of, she was always hoping to be of service to others. This is because Mom was always appreciative and gracious as well as a giver. Sometimes we had to be firm with her in order to keep her safe. She always responded in a generous, loving manner. Our goal to keep Mom in her home, surrounded by her memories, cared for with love and always maintaining her dignity was achieved. Mom had planted seeds of love, generosity and selflessness in us from the day of our birth. It was my privilege and honor to help Mom live her final days in safety and peace. Though she will be forever missed, we will always have her example and all of the memories. In our loss it gives me great peace to reflect on all she did and know that she loved and had a life well-lived.
Two Belles Meet! Mom with a replica of the Memphis Belle, the same plane that Dad flew in WWII. She got her first ride in one on that day in 2014. I’ll never forget it.
Chiropractic Wellness Clinic 